27.3.07

ITALIAN MAMMAS (Tuesday Laugh)

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Pookie prepares herself for the vet
Mr. Gattino has a friend named Giorgio. Giorgio is a heart of man and the only thing in his life he really hates are problems. Problems have to be solved by mostly saying yes to everything or ask his wife to handle them.

But this time it was different, a catastrophe had happened ! It concerned his mamma ! You have to know that for an Italian his Mamma is the most important person in his life. Especially when he is grown up. Even in Mafia circles men always listened to Mamma (see the "Godfather").

Mamma is respected by everybody in the family and inspite the fact that everybody thinks that Italian man are machos in front of Mamma he is like a new born baby.

Giorgio's Mamma in the respectable age of 94 had to be hospitalized, at least that's what she had decided. The whole family was informed like a queen's desease is announced in public.

Therefore Giorgio rushed over in a hurry like a headless chicken, he thought his Mamma was already half dead.

He immediately wanted to call an ambulance but Mamma had first to dress up in a very elegant dress, to comb her heavy silver hair as if she would go to an opera,to put make up on and her jewelry and only then she was ready to suffer and to receive the men with their ambulance.

Giorgio had to lay her down on the stretcher, not the men from the ambulance, although he suffers badly from his back. Now Mamma could be the star of the whole street ! She is not the type of suffering in silence, so while the ambulance guys carried her out on a stretcher, she was lamentating, moaning, groaning and gesticulating with her hands, while looking around to see if the whole street really could have a good view on her suffering.

They all, Giorgio, Angela, father, aunt, uncle, nephew and grandchildren followed the stretcher, loud talking, fighting and discussing while Mamma suffered loud. The nurse who saw them coming, almost fainted and threw them all out. Mamma screemed for her son.

The nurse shut the door and looked at the elegant outfit, took everything off and put her to bed. Mamma shouted her protestings so loud, that almost the whole hospital could hear her. Finally she calmed down and lay divalike, with her silk nightgown on the bed.

Next day she got hysterical and screamed at Giorgo, so that even a deaf could hear her that, the bed was too hard, the TV had no italian channel, the nurses came not fast enough, the doctors are all stupid and don't do with her what she desevers, the room was too warm, she was freezing at night and of course she couldn't close an an eye.The poor women who shared the room with her had almost gotten a nervous brakedown and hadn't closed an eye, because Mamma was moarning the whole night like an old cat in love.

Of course she didn't eat, no, the hospital food was just rotten and she asked Giorgio, her son and not the husband to bring her food everyday otherwise she would starve. Of course it had to be italian food and nothing else all other kitchens are bad. So poor Giorgio every day went to a catering service and bought italian food.

Mamma was an easy patient, she rang the bell every five minutes for the nurse, to open the window, to close the window, to bring fresh water, to bring her a mirror, to give her a cover, to take off the cover etc. Finally doctor and nurses had enough of Mamma and asked Giorgio, to take her home. Giorgio of course called again the ambulance and went with Mamma home. Papa was always behind. In front of their house, Mamma, laying on her stretcher greated everybody like a queen her subjects. Of course she complained that Giorgio had forgotten to buy her some flowers.

Now back home, poor Giorgio is not out of his troubles ! Mamma lets her husband call mostly around 3 am to inform him that she cannot sleep, and is to weak to speak, that she suffers worse then Jesus on his cross and that her end is near. (but she is still there) and every morning before going to work Giorgio has to bring her croissants from a special italian bakery and woe it's not true.

The whole family watches like Pitbulls and Dobermans together and poor Giorgio is critisized when for once he dares to say that he is tired and just wants to rest for a day. No, they say, you only have one Mamma, now she is so sick, you at least have to take care of her like she did when you were a baby.

The baby in between is 64 years old and has a family. But that doesn't matter to Mamma, she is half dead although she looks like a fresh rose compared to poor Giorgio with his mouse grey face.

PS. My mamma in law wasn't at all like that, she was a wonderful woman and we were very close friends.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Mamma ready for the ambulance

10 comments:

Captain Merengue Lifecruiser said...

Who wouldn't love Italian mamas???? *LMAO* Oh, the drama they can perform! Drama Masters I would say.

Hilarious as usual Gattina!

I'm still left in DR dancing Merengue.... and drinking Cuba Libre!

C'mon on, shake it loss baby ;-)

Irish Church Lady :) said...

Funny post. I used to date an guy who had an Italian background. You know one of the things I could never get used to was his mother. I knew that if I married him, life would be hell with her.

It wasn't one of the reasons why we broke up, but I it was one of the things that I was thankful for that I did!

Funny post G!

Jeanette said...

hahahaha very good post gattina

Hootin'Anni said...

This is wellllllllllllll....I must say it: "A Hoot" So darned funny.

You did yourself proud.

Okay, I gotta get back to busy work in my decorating.

Hope your day has been a pleasant one Gattina. [love the new bookshelves background!!]

Captain Lifecruiser said...

To be sure I answer your question about the Crazy Hat Parade wednesday here as in a email:

One hat per PERSON. So if you have more family members (or cats!), you're allowed to participate for them too, but only ONE hat will be counted as a winner IF you win :-D. I'm not taking this toooo seriously, it's all about having FUN - as usual :-D

And Sunday the cruise is defenitely on the market with you!

TorAa said...

Very well written. Just as reading about "mama-mama". So she was called, one of my uncles mother-in-law. She "died" at least once a week for 20 years.

Sanni said...

*ROFLMAO* Thanks for the great laugh, Gattina!

Frank denkt, ich hab sie nicht mehr alle, weil ich hier kichernd sitze. Aber was soll´s... er weiss ja, dass ich nicht ganz dicht bin!

Shelly Kneupper Tucker said...

Sanni said what I was going to say! You are a hoot and a half (Texas speak for F.U.N.N.Y."). I loved it. Thanks for sharing it.

Melli said...

Oh GATTINA! The tales you tell! ROFL! You must write a story about American redheads one day! I insist! :) Is it done yet?

Pamela said...

This is too funny.
Tell me is this true?????