26.8.06

MOTHERLY INSTINCTS AND RESULTS

In my fitness club is a young mother, in fact since only 4 weeks and she told us she wants to get her body in shape again and loosing the weight she had put on during pregnancy. When I hear this I have always to smile, because as my gynecologist said, I was probably the only woman who LOST weight during that time. Indeed when my son was born I weighed 6 kgs (13lbs) less, and I wasn't fat at all I always had been slim. After the birth to the contrary of normal women I had to put on weight !

Then we started to talk about being mothers. Sounds simple but isn't. Not every women has a sleeping mother instinct in her as mostly men believe. They are many women who really hate children what I personally cannot understand as every adult had been a baby too or do you know somebody who suddenly was born as an adult ?

I started thinking about that and the conclusion of all these discussions I had heard, is that most of them had a "bad" childhood and so strange as it sounds they are mostly women who were overprotected or loved and couldn't develop themselves. They had to eat what mother said, going to sleep when mother said, only accept friends who were suitable to mother etc.

When they see now the freedom of the children today, they are jalous and just start to hate them. I never thought about that until a friend of mine told me. She never wanted children, they get on her nerves, she prefers having a poodel which she is carrying around on her arms all the time and she also has a cat. She tried to give a bath to the cat every day to keep her nice and clean and cuddled her so much that the cat moved out (at least I guess so)

A lot of women get post-natal depressions. I had this without knowing. When I came back from hospital, I locked myself in didn't support anybody but my husband and refused any visit. I slammed the door on my mother, as she was step dancing around the craddle pushing ahs and ohs, and did the same with my photo taking father. They really got on my nerves.

My husband at least took his son in his arms, fed him, changed him and cuddled him. Which was quite unusual in 1973, but after all I thought, why always women, fathers are as important as mothers. My father of course critized this "effeminate" behaviour and told me his standard theorem "I don't know anybody who ...."

I belonged to the mothers who didn't want to hold their baby imediately and wasn't even aware of that. Maybe it was due to the ceserian, but apparently that had nothing to do with it. I even found him ugly, with his bald head and blond hairs in the middle like a punk. When I look at the first pictures now, I just think what a cute baby he was ! After three days I changed completely and became a caring mom.

In my room was another young woman who was the direct opposite to me. She wanted her baby all the time, which was allowed during the day but not during nights and that on purpose because they wanted young mothers to sleep and rest. So every evening it was the same drama, she cried louder than her baby and didn't want to let him go. I couldn't understand that, I was happy to have some peace and that nobody cried around me.

Now I have the chance to look back and see what all these babies, now adults had become. My friend who had given birth to a boy four days later than me was overprotecting him and followed books and advices. With the second she had no time anymore to do this. Result, the first one became a very prudent and askant man, not easy to make friendships while his brother is a charming boy who takes life just as it comes. I have to add that the inherited character also plays a part.

Another who got everything from his parents and was probably too much loved, had first in his puberty years a serious drug problem and is now a bigheaded guy, who is too intelligent to work as he doesn't get a job as a President immediately so he is still sitting at home. It's so nice, he is on benefit (!) and everything he wants is anyway payed by the parents.

And there is also a surprising case of a woman I know since ages, she put all her motherly love in her baby daughter and when she had boy twins she couldn't handle them at all. They were eating out of a pot with fingers and in winter they had no socks, while the girl had the last fashion clothes on her. She even got child protection service's visit. And now ? The girl is on trial with her mother because she wants to get grandma's money. The boys both are married have nice jobs and are very caring about their mum. It's hard to believe but that's the truth.

But most of them are now responsible adults made their ways and are very nice. What is now the result of this "looking back" does it mean if you are too much a loving and caring mom you will get no thanks back ?

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2 comments:

Dominique said...

Having answered your mail, I then found all your lovely blogs - well done! You are quite a professional, really. You will have to explain me one day, how to set photos in the side bar (mine is dismally empty - and I have loads of photos I'd like to download). By the way, I am also cancer and love animals - prefer dogs, however. So long, Dominique

Moobear said...

A great blog Ingrid, I so much enjoyed it! Like dominique I too would like a "simple" way to insert pic on sidebar, I read about it- in not much detail- at blogger help, but find that YOU know more than they. Appreciate any help.Please email me at my rr.com address. Thanks. I also agree with dominique, you are quite the writer! Also a friend.....
God Bless!